Celebrating Asexuality

Across the NHS in Sussex there are a number of active staff networks to help promote a culture of belonging, dignity, respect and inclusion for all. The networks encourage people to be themselves, without fear of stigma or discrimination.

Thanks to our staff being part of these groups we can help raise awareness of a wide variety of topics.

Today we share a blog from one of Sussex Partnership's occupational therapists about asexuality:

"Identifying as ace (shorthand for asexual) is pretty new to me - while I'd been questioning my sexuality on and off for some years, it was when asked about sexual orientation in the 2021 Census that I just didn't know how to answer. This led me down a rabbit hole of 'what's my sexuality' quizzes and reading about various orientations. Like many aces, I'd wondered for a while if I was pansexual (sexually attracted to people of any gender or regardless of their gender identity), since I felt the same about people of any gender. The difference being, I was feeling a lack of sexual attraction to people of any gender.

Of course, that leads to the question - 'what is sexual attraction?'. And the challenge for many aces, who often go on a very similar journey to me, is, how can we know what we're not experiencing? How do you identify a lack of something? I'll tell you now, it’s hard, and it took me decades to figure it out.

So, what is asexuality? Asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction towards people of any gender. We are not drawn to individuals in a sexual way. But we can be drawn to them in other ways. For example, through aesthetic attraction, romantic attraction, sensual attraction. Aces often use a split attraction model to identify and communicate their sexual and romantic orientation. For example, homoromantic asexual, aromantic bisexual.

Asexuality can sometimes be confused with celibacy - the choice to abstain from sex, usually for religious reasons.

But asexuality is not a choice. It is an intrinsic core to us as people and who we are, just like other sexual orientations. And being asexual doesn't necessarily mean not having sex - the asexual umbrella (or spectrum) is very diverse, and asexuals who are sex favourable or sex neutral (as opposed to sex averse or sex repulsed), may have sex for a variety of reasons. For example, to be close to their partner, to have a family, for pleasure.

We have just recently celebrated International Asexuality Day, a day to raise awareness and celebrate asexuality. Although the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for asexuality (alongside aromantic and agender), asexuality is often referred to as the 'invisible sexuality' and there are many misconceptions held by people both in and out of the LGBTQIA+ community about asexuality.

Given the compulsory sexualisation of our society, aces are often thought to have something wrong with us. In fact, asexuality is still a medicalised orientation (see 'Hyposexual Desire Disorder' in the ICD) and is not covered by the 2010 Equality Act. The National LGBT Survey in 2018 found that asexual people are 10% more likely to be offered or undergo conversion therapy than other sexual orientations. And given the messaging we hear in society of what is 'normal' and the lack of awareness of or education around asexuality, a lot of ace people will be susceptible to this before they come to realise they are asexual and that there is nothing wrong with them.

For years I thought there was something wrong with me, not having the same relationship to and desire for sex that my peers did. I felt very alienated in my teens, and later when I developed a long-term medical condition wondered if my lack of sexual attraction and desire was because of this. So not only internalising ace phobia but ableism as well. Interestingly, those sitting at this intersection can experience discrimination from both the asexual community and disabled community because we go against what they are fighting for - e.g. that asexuality isn't caused by a condition or disability, or that disabled people are sexual. 

It's not all doom and gloom though. Asexuality is being more widely recognised - when I was growing up I'd never heard the term asexuality and had no idea that it existed. As far as I knew, you were straight or you were gay. But now, asexuality is more visible and more represented in the media. For example, characters in TV shows like Sex Education and Heartstopper. The 'A' in the LGBTQIA+ acronym is being used more. At work, I feel particularly supported and accepted as a member of the LGBTQIA+ staff network. Seeing the 'A' in the acronym being used here is so very validating and reassuring.

So I guess what would be nice to take away from this is that asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, and if you were to meet someone who is asexual, or someone you know comes out as ace, then what we really want is for people to validate and accept our identity and experiences."